What the CRACKTALIA!
by LyraTheWriter
Summary: Crack, crack, and more crack. Can it get any crackier than this! Hungary is being shipped with Canada, Seychelles with Cuba, this person with that- I mean, it's Cracktalia in itself! Recommendations always wanted! Getting a crack craving? Come over here! I own no artwork. So that pic ya see- it ain't mine! Be sure to comment and favourite and criticize!
1. Chapter 1

_**Canada and Hungary And A Cooking Scene**_

(elizabeta H. Austria, I am so sorry for this chapter. Please forgive me- this is a crack fic. All of these chapters are oneshot crack fics.)

So one afternoon, Hungary was as bored and annoyed as hell. Prussia was acting like his usual asshole self, and Austria was being an extra sissy, Romania was bugging her to no end, Turkey was calling her a weak-ass, Romano decided to curse at her, Italy had some business to do with Germany, and just about everything else was Topsy-turvy. Even Ukraine's boobs were popped! So what the hell did she decide to do? Cook like crazy! DUH!

So when in the middle of making her world-renowned extra spicy goulash, Lizzie heard a knock at the door. Naturally, she had a pissed off look when she opened the door, scaring the dude who knocked on it. "GAH!" He shouted. His glasses fell off, and Hungary managed to catch him like some prince does with a princess- only Hungary was the prince. Figures.

"Uh, sorry there," Hungary was embarrassed. She then realized who she had just caught. He looked a bit like America, except that his hair was longer, wavier, and with this curl that Hungary knew would emit a weird reaction if pulled. Plus he was hotter than America- and larger than Florida ((oh yes I did!)). Yup, this was Canada.

"Uh, I was just-"

"Canada, I need your help right now! You're a good cook, and plus you've bugged me, so in the kitchen we GO!" Hungary dragged a now confused Canadian into her kitchen. She bombarded him with kitchen tools, and said, "here, stir this goulash!"

"Uh, Hungary, I know how to make goulash..."

"Oh! That's great! Here, you make that, and I'll make some dobos while we're at it..."

**Moments later...**

" So Canada, did France teach you how to cook?"

"Yeah, but I took my own twist on it, and I also learned a bit from other cultures..."

"I heard your pancakes are awesome...er than Prussia."

"Yeah."

And so, Hungary and Canada kept on talking to one another, giving one another cooking tips. Soon enough, they were on the floor, laughing while eating out of a bowl filled with chocolate cream frosting they made together, using pancakes that Canada made to scoop it up.

"Oh mah god Canada your pancakes are like an R-18 doujinshi in a food! God it's like smut in your mouth!" Hungary spoke with her mouth full.

"Uh..." Canada blushed. "Thanks."

Hungary kissed his cheek. "No problem." And they both blushed. All of a sudden, the oven gave off a DING! noise, and that meant that the cake part of the dobos was ready.

**A while later...**

So Hungary and Canada were eating goulash, drinking some Canadian soda, and laughing over the time when America caught Francine (France) and Arthur (England) making out in the closet, and doing the harlem shake while going batshit cray-cray.

**And then there was the dobos.**

So when Canada tried Hungary's dobos, he was like,

" C'est comme le smut dans votre bouche!" (This is like smut in your mouth!)

"No Canada, you wanna know what smut in your mouth is?"

"What?"

Hungary took a bite of dobos, and kissed Canada. NOW he could really see what it was like to have smut in your mouth. Honestly, where did Hungary learn to kiss like that? Austria did something- with a town called Fucking, and a University of Love, Austria was bound to have a trick down his sleeve. Or Romania. Or Prussia's 5 meters- screw that, Canada had 100 meters.

So when nightime dwelled upon them, Hungary and Canada waved goodbye to one another, and Canada left. Hungary had started to feel weird- as in, like the time when she was in love with Prussia, that phase. Fortunately, she was over him.

"Could I be in love with Canada?"

At the same time, Canada was feeling all hot despite the small autumn chills outside.

"Am I in love with Hungary?"

**To Be continued... if there is a demand for a separate fanfic on this chapter!**

**((Mwahahahah I have made my first crack fic! Be sure to recommend any crack pairs in the comments! Follow, favourite, criticize, comment, and PM me anytime! I'm also a beta!))**


	2. Chapter 2-SeyCu Fic!

_**Seychelles and Cuba... Decide To Go Out For Ice Cream!**_

((This is a crack pair I ship. Hard. Ok, enjoy this chapter! Hope it satisfies your crackfic needs! Be sure to favourite and comment!))

So one day, Cuba was feeling kind of down- no, rock bottom down. He trudged on the beach, cigar poking out of his mouth in a frown in itself. After all, it had been 2 months since he had broken up with Madeline, fem Canada. He missed her pancakes, sweet smile, shy nature, and no care when it came to being topless. She was a shy ray of bright sunshine with a large heart. Yet she and him would constantly argue, and at one point, they broke up. Now, she was dating America. Could it get any worse?

Apparently, a seagull decided to swoop in and eat his cigar.

"FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SEAGULL-" And before he could curse, he fell into the sand when a Frisbee hit him in the back of his head with a plastic THUD.

"OhMyGoshI'mSoSorryIDidn'tMeanToDoThis" And a familiar, bubbly voice emitted out from a girl Cuba thought was Canada. Only when he looked up, he saw a dark tan face of a girl clad in short-shorts and a bikini top, with her hair tied back with two blue bows decorated with fishes. Her face was inquisitive, and Cuba thought he had seen this girl in past World Meetings.

"Are you..."

"Yeah, I'm Seychelles! I decided to play some Frisbee out here alone, and all of a sudden, I hit your head! I'm so sorry Cuba!" She smiled this wide, pearly smile, and her head cocked to the side, showing an embarrassed smiley-face. Cuba just stared at this large-hearted, extroverted female.

"Yeah, it's ok..."

"You ok? What the seagull happened? You look like England when he's heartbroken!"

"Well, I-"

"I know just the cure!" Next thing he knew, Seychelles was running, grabbing his arm and pulling him a certain direction. After about a mile, they landed in front of a gelato shop.

"I work here in the summers, so I get a TON of free food and ice cream," she chatted, all bubbly. "Honestly, it costs so much for me when it comes to housing, so free food is awesome! I can eat as much as I need to!" And she said all of this as she pulled out 2 ice cream cones filled with at least a pint of ice cream. "It's on the house!"

"Uh, thanks..." Cuba tried the white-and-brown coloured ice cream, and his eyes widened at the taste. "Whoa! This' good! Great, even!"

"Hahahaha! Well, Feliciana, Lovina, and I decided to make it! Francine added the extra rose tint in the aftertaste. It's coconut-chocolata paradise flower flavoured, and it's a bestseller here. Be glad it didn't run out!" And she smiled again. Man, she had a contagious smile, even if it was now all sloppy with ice cream stains. Cuba found himself smiling at her.

Soon, these two were cracking up at each other's jokes, and rode the waves like bosses. In no time, they invented a cool version of the original handshake. Cuba felt better than he did in a loooong time.

"Hey Cuba! We should really hang out more often!" Her eyes were shining brightly by now.

Cuba flushed red. "Yeah, we should..."

Seychelles kissed him on the cheek. "See ya!"

And as she ran away in the distant sunset, Cuba stared after her.

"Man, she's amazing."


	3. Chapter 3-EngBela!

_**Chapter 3- Belarus and England... **_

So you fangirl/fanboy bitches and bastards are always ranting or expressing with stupid grins that make me want to slash your face from spirits from my evil eye about how I'm obsessed with Russia. Well, now I'm proud to say and shock you with this- I have gotten over my crush with Russia! After all this time, I've fallen for the most unpredictable of guys. He has eyes that're electric and amazing, magic ability like no other, and this mysteriousness to him. He is also a major shipping bitch. He is known by many names- The Pink Police, A Member Of The Magic Trio, Iggy, and Arthur Kirkland. We call him Britain, usually.

In any case, I pretended to read this Italian romance novel recommended by Ukraine for my lovesickness, while looking towards him. He was next to France and America. Figures. He's always being paired with one of those two. But when his eyes met mine, I stared right back down at the words lacing the page. Apparently, I was right at the climax of the novel.

"...And Belarus, what do you have to say?" Germany looked towards me.

"I have no idea what the hell we're talking about." I replied honestly, because who gives a shit? Call me a Romano, but no one fucking cares!

"Ve~ Bella, are you a reading that novel that's a major hit in my country?" Feliciana came over to me. "The couple kinda makes me think of if you and England were together~" She winked. Man, she knows how to detect a crush just as well as Francine does- only difference is, Franny keeps her mouth shut, just like what she was doing now sitting next to Arthur.

Naturally, Hungary was ecstatic. "Omigod! Finally, a new ship for England!"

Romania jumped right in. "Another Dove Matchmaking Adventure?"

"Romania! LyraTheWriter has not received enough demand for another one of that!"

"Werr, if we're going to discuss this..." Japan started.

And just like that, the whole room started to burst in a catastrophic mess. I felt someone grab my hand, and I naturally ran away with whomever it was. Soon enough, we were out the door, and the person turned. It was Britain.

"I'm so sorry Britain, I never meant any-"

"Calm down Belarus. I'm actually glad I get to skip a World Meeting for once. And I'm a gentleman- I can't let a damsel like you get stuck in a mess like that, so naturally, I took you with me."

"Well," I started. "We're stuck in the middle of Malta, so what're we going to do?"

"Well, since this is an island, we're going to make some magic."

"Huh? Britain, I have bad spirits."

"No, I meant having a really good time. Diving off a cliff and swimming in the ocean... and then getting totally drunk..."

"So what you're saying is..."

"We're having a friendly outing."

But I could tell that this was going to be waaaay more than a friendly outing.

((_Hahahahah. Ok dudes and dudettes, _if you _ask and demand for a second part to this, I'll give it to you... and if I also get 10 more followers- not to this story, but to me.))_


	4. Chapter 4-LieChi Fluff!

((Ayumi Kudou, this is for you. Thank you for your idea! And sorry if this chappie is crappy DX))

**_CHAPTER 4- LIECHI!_**

**__** So Liechtenstein was finally a young woman with long golden braids, and was finally starting to get a grasp of things. She interviewed multiple nations, and participated in many world meetings. However, she had recently fallen for a nation that she was to interview today... as she thought of it with excitement, in the midst of it, she tripped and would've fallen down the stairs, had someone not caught her.

"Oh thank-you-" she trailed off as she saw that the person who caught her was the one she had fallen for... kinda literally?

"You must be more careful aru! You could've ended up going to me, at Doctor China! Oh! Liech aru? Uhm... Uh, weren't you supposed to interview me today aru?"

"Uh... yes. Where shall we... uh, go?" Liech felt her pulse racing. "_Is this how Hungary felt around Romania and later Prussia at some point?" _She thought, remembering how Hungary dealt with her love life. In any case, she and China were in a room, and China poured some tea out for her.

"Uh, thank you China."

"Call me Yao aru."

"Thanks. You can call me Lili."

Soon enough, the two nations were laughing shyly and drank many a cup of tea.

"So Yao, why are your clothes always so oversized?" Lili asked, eying his golden-laced, dragon designed garb over a red background, his hands out of sight and hidden in the clothing sleeves.

"Because we Chinese are VERY petite in general aru... but we have the tallest woman in our country aru! We also like to put our hands together and have the cuffs of the sleeves make our hands unnoticeable aru."

"How ironic!" And they laughed.

After a while, Liech jumped up. "I almost forgot! Yao, close your eyes..." and she dropped a hand-made, elaborately crafted hello-kitty doll in his lap. He opened his eyes.

"OH MY DRAGON BALLS ARU THIS IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER ARU!" And China hugged and kissed Liech on the cheek. Then they both blushed.

"Uh, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"... Uh, sure aru!"

And they both smiled like two star-crossed lovers...

((**OMIGOD ZA FLUFF IS KILLING ME WITH ITS KAWAII-NESS!))**


	5. Chapter 5-EngAus Time!

((Thanks for all your pairing ideas fellow Hetalians! I will make a chapter on everyone's recommendations, so sit tight, because I post one chapter a day- and if I miss a day, or feel extra generous, I'll put in 2 chappies. I shall put a chapter on the crackiest pair so far- England and fem Austria!))

_**Chapter 5- The world should be more modest! (AusEng!)**_

_****_So naturally, England had thought of making alliances with other countries. Germany had been scarred for life after he had arrived with a bouquet of English roses, and Feliciana had to come to the rescue. Figures. Francine, however, took it as a love confession and made out for 5 seconds straight with him- and England ran away in a panic. Amelia didn't want an alliance, only a review on if her butt looked ok in her daisy dukes. She dressed worse than any sexually desperate woman out there, England had thought. In any case, he decided to see the next nation which he hoped wasn't as snobby as she sounded.

When he arrived at her door, he saw a well kept, large garden, a beautiful house made elaborate by many traces of gold etchings, and a well painted white door. "This appears to be a noblewoman. I think we shall get along well..." he thought, ringing the doorbell.

The door SLAMMED open, revealing a thin-lipped, petite, small-chested woman with an elaborate hairstyle made with her violet hair colour. Her dress was a dark purple- darker than Francine's general garb that she wore at general world meetings. The dress was lacy and long, and only revealed small black shoes with fancy gold buckles on them. There was a black ribbon at the neck of the dress, and black musical notes surrounded the hems at all sides.

The small oval face of the woman revealed a small, black beauty mark at the near corner of her lip, a pale complexion, dark eyes, and an annoyed expression. England was impressed by the image of this prim woman. In fact, she was a beauty. He smiled at her. Before he could say anything, she snapped with tints of arrogance in her tone of voice:

"You have interrupted my music session! This had better be important, or else I will kick your ass out the door." Her voice was laced with her Austrian accent. Figures. She's Analiese Edelstein, the personification of Austria. A very proud snob. Why was England so entranced with her?

"Well, Austria, I have some very crucial matters pertaining to alliances. And why kick my ass out the door when I have brought you these?" He held out violets and forget-me-nots, as well as a classical music album. Austria's eyes widened, and a blush fell to her face.

"Well... uhm... COME IN!" She led him in through grand halls, a library, a ginormous kitchen, and finally, a room that held a coffee table, and two chairs. A teapot and multiple sweets were already in the middle of the coffee table, and the two sat down in their seats. A glass vase held the new flowers. The music from the album whispered in the background.

"So, England... What brings you all this way? You can eat the sweets on the table and drink as much tea as you wish. It's special rose tea that I... traded with France-"

"You mean stole. I understand, as that female is a beautiful pervert."

At that statement, the two were sharing laughs. And although they tried to speak of alliances, they ended up conversing of how the other nations were so uncivilized!

"Honestly, this world needs to be more modest!"

"I know! And they need to be cleaner too! And should love classical music a whole lot more than they do!"

And this continued until late that night. When they found out that it was late, Austria apologized. England replied that she "shant worry," and that "they would talk again tomorrow."

Before England was out the door, Austria came up to him, and whispered that what she was to do was quite unladylike of her. She pecked him square on the lips, and then closed the door, panting. England stood there, dumbstruck. He then walked away, saying,

"She is a remarkable woman."

((Horray, crack pair No.5 is done! I think I'll do GreeSpa next!))


	6. Chapter 6-GreeSpa!

((Alright "mandababe," this is the last suggestion out of the two you made that I'm doing. Anyways, hope you guys like this chapter!))

_** Chapter 6- Cats n' Chocolate n' Churros (GreeSpa!)**_

_****_ So one day, Spain was busy making some hot churros one late spring day. She was mixing all sorts of ingredients in her short red skirt and tight long pink tank top. She was singing and half-dancing to the macarena song on replay in the middle of her kitchen. "Loca" by Shakira would occasionally play- both songs were playing as the Spanish versions, of course.

But when in the middle of making her chocolate sauce, she felt a furry thing on her bare feet. She looked down. It was Bob. Yes, the Greek cat that appears in many of LyraTheWriter fanfics- the Giripan Dove Matchmaking Adventures in particular- which Spain was upset at the discontinuing of that series- if only the fangirls liked them more...

In any case, Bob lay in the middle of the kitchen 5 minutes later, stuffed with sardines that Spain gave him. She smiled, knowing that she would see Greece soon enough. She smiled in a daydream stance, stirring what would soon be chocolate sauce.

"Oh mi dios! (Oh my god!) What am I thinking?!" But she still couldn't get that red flush off her face. At least Lovino didn't give out the secret of her crush yet.

Soon enough, a knock at the door knocked her senses back into her... but her stomach started to flutter when she opened the door. It was Greece. His arms were behind his head, his dark eyes in a distant world, as he asked,

"Is Bob here?"

"Uh, yes!"

"MEOW~" The now fat cat waddled out of the kitchen, a giant piece of salmon in it's mouth. Spain's mouth was left agape in wonderment.

"I never told you that she could raid anything with fish in it, including the fish vault in Japan?"

"She?"

"Bob is short for Bobba. It's what I called Turkey's fat white persian cat that made him hate me so much. It's why we always fight. It didn't mean anything insulting though when I went and googled it..."

A sound erupted from the kitchen. "Oh! The chocolate sauce and the churros are ready! Come in, and have some!"

30 minutes later, the two nations shared stories about Romano, tomatoes, churros, Bob, Turkey, chocolate, and the fish supply of the world... well, it seemed like 30 minutes, but it was actually 4 hours XD

So when Greece went out the door, Spain said, "we should do this again sometime!"

And Greece replied, "Sure. Just hide your fish supply. Bob had to take a cow shit in your tomato garden."

"Mi dios! Well, at least it's good fertilizer-"

"ANTONIA FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO! WHY DO I SMELL SHIT AND CAT PISS ALL THE WAY FROM MILAN?!" Lovino yelled thousands of miles away. Greece and Spain cracked up. As they were out of one another's sight, they felt the beginnings of a new feeling called love.

((Horray for cheesy endings and for me being generous today! I might even make ANOTHER chappie! (don't bet on it).))


	7. Chapter 7-ROMROM MAGIC TIME! (Part 1)

_**Chapter 7- ROMROM MAGIC TIME~!**_

((CottonCandy57 has given me multiple recommendations. I'll do those pairs first, and move on to others. So Hetalians, be sure to follow for more crack!))

_No Italians were harmed in the making of this fanfic._

So one day, Lovina was walking around Bucharest after a World Meeting was held there. She wandered right into a secluded area, and saw a bright light in the distance.

"What the fuck. Am I like in some fanfiction or something? Hey fanfic writer! You better not be putting me in some random deep shit right now! Because I already have enough on my mind as it is! Curse my love interest... and I have to be in his country, oh fuck me! NO! NOT LITERALLY!" While she yelled and ran towards the light, a dove looked from above her, and grinned. A sharp impressive canine poked out from its mouth.

So when Lovina finally wandered into this somewhat secluded dwelling that looked like piles of rubble, she decided to take a look around. "I might find some good shit somewhere around here..." and she stepped on a panel, and she fell into a green vortex.

"WHAT THE CRAPOLA IS HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?" She yelled, and then quickly bounced up from a trampoline onto a plush red-carpet ground. A sign poked out and said, "The Magic Trio~" and she gasped.

"Holy fuck. The magic trio is real! Oh crapola, am I going to be turned into France?" She screamed as she felt someone embrace her from the back, and then gasped when she saw who it was.

**CLIFFHANGER!**

((This story shall be continued...))


	8. Chapter 8-ROMROM MAGIC TIME! (PART 2!)

**_ROMROM MAGIC TIME PART 2!_**

"HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE IT'S BRENDON URIE!" Lovina was a major P!ATD ((Panic! At The Disco)) fan.

"Nonononononono! It's me! Romania~"

Lovina blushed. "Curse you bastardo! I was tricked!"

"Well, do you want to take a look around at the secret lair of my trio?" He smirked. Lovina flushed even further.

"F-Fine! I can do what I want beotch!"

"Ok, ok." He showed the female Italian all sorts of mechanisms and magiks, and explained why Norway always had to sing the Magic song by B.O.B when casting a trio spell.

"Doesn't Hungary help you guys?"

Romania winced at the name. "Since she broke up with me over that Prussian..."

"WHAH! I AM SUCH A BITCH FOR MENTIONING THAT!"

"Don't worry about it! Here, drink this!" And as Lovina drank, Romania gave out a wide grin. When she heard what Romania said next, she gasped. Here's what he said, with a coy look:

"You just drank a love potion."

**END OF CRACK PAIR STORY! ((SHOULD I MAKE THIS INTO A SEPERATE FANFIC?))**


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